Been a wee while since I’ve sat in front of this laptop and tried to write one of my ramblings, Like I’ve said previously I used to write them to clear my head and get all those depressive and anxious thoughts out of my head, I found it very therapeutic and was a way of connecting with others who were going through similar or simply to let people know where I was with my battles with the PTSD.
I don’t know why I am writing this one or where it will go, I sometimes like that, I just sit down with a nice red wine and a cheeky wee San Miguel and see where it goes. That sentence pretty much sums up my life recently. I think that’s where this one might go, a wee blog about my mental health, what I see as the benefits of alcohol and the downside of drinking when you have mental health issues. To be fair with a title like this one it can’t exactly be about much else. Without a word of a lie I’ve just spilt half a glass of red wine on a nice cream carpet. Any tips on the removal of this would be greatly appreciated. Anyway back to the task in hand.
I think my motivation and desire to write on such a subject comes from interactions and chats I’ve had in pubs over the last couple of years since I opened up about my anxieties and depressive thoughts. There’s been many a night out where someone has come up to me and said “I suffer similar to what you go through” or “I’ve read your blogs and it strikes a chord with me”.
I love that people come up to me and open up to me, It might only be because they’ve had a skin full and have the confidence to do such due to the alcohol but I can assure them it goes no further and despite waking up most mornings after a drink with a memory black out I do remember our chats and they never go any further. Chatting about it makes me feel like I’m not alone and I’m guessing it does the same for them. It saddens me that society makes people feel awkward about chatting about their mental health issues in the first place. I’ve accepted mine and began to believe that it isn’t the weakness I once thought it was. It isn’t going to hold me back in life and doesn’t make me any inferior compared to the next man. It actually makes me more empathetic, more compassionate and more focused on what I want to achieve. Anyway we’ve heard all this chat before.
Scotland is renowned for its drink culture, let’s be honest we do it well and there’s pretty much fuck all else to do. Aw man I swore, not swore in the last few blogs as I was told it reaches and pleases wider audiences when I don’t use foul language, to be fair those blogs were for decent charities, this is just for the sake of it and just cause I can. If any of you are bothered, I used salt and damp cloth to clean up that red wine, it has worked a treat. If you don’t take anything else from reading this just remember that handy tip, anyhow back to the task in hand eh. Aye so Scotland and drink, it’s engrained in our culture, that text at the weekend or sometimes a Monday depending on how the weekend has panned out “fancy a pint?” I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Obviously when I was at my lowest and when I was hiding away and hiding my thoughts and anxieties I didn’t drink and I think at that time it was important not to drink but I think there is massive benefits to going for that pint and the chats that entail from doing so. Chatting about your thoughts and feelings is a massive help when you’re toiling.
It’s world mental health day today, a chance for people like myself to play a wee part in encouraging people not to be ashamed if they are toiling. It is a chance to write something and raise a wee bit of awareness. A chance to let people know they aren’t alone and that what they are feeling is perfectly normal. It saddens me that we need days or weeks like this. We should be able to chat about our mental health the same as we would about our physical health. We shouldn’t need to hide our thoughts and fears away as if they are some dirty secret.
Me, I get anxious and anxious periods, I get days where I can’t face the world, I can’t really face seminars at university, I’ll maybe have a build-up of anxious thoughts, where I want to get myself somewhere alone where I can regather my thoughts and regain control of body, somewhere where I feel safe. I don’t get them anywhere near as often as I used to but I still do. I’ve came to accept that I always will. It’s my make-up, it’s who I am. If my thinking becomes as irrational or as depressive as it was 3 years ago then I’ll seek professional help for them but the now I feel I get enough support chatting to my mates about my fears and my daft irrational thoughts over a couple of pints. I’m not saying alcohol is the best route, what I’m getting at is sometimes it’s easier to open up for people after a drink or two, plus being social and staying connected is amazing for your mental health. Isolation brings with it depressive thoughts and low self-esteem.
People need to realise that mental health illness are more common than you think but anyone can fall foul of anxious or depressive thoughts. It doesn’t discriminate and life can through all sorts at you that can affect your reasoning and thinking, grief, trauma, job loss, breakdown of relationships. Sometimes it’s just the final straw for you. Years of stress, trauma, grief and then boom you’ve hit that snapping point.
Anyway this rambling is going nowhere and I don’t really feel it’s making any sense or points that I haven’t previously. I think basically what am trying to say is look out for each other, don’t worry if you’ve told me shit when you’re drunk it won’t go any further and mainly don’t be ashamed to come and speak to me about your thoughts or fears. I think it’s why I’ve went through what I’m on this planet to do. If you see me in the boozer and you want to confide in me or simply to have a wee generic chat about mental health feel free. Mine’s is a peroni. By the way I’m still amazed at that salt and cold cloth tactic on that spilt red wine, totes amazeballs so it was.
Anyway, as always thanks for reading this and I know it’s not been the best of reads hence why I don’t write as often now. I’m trying to keep all the best bits for my best selling book.
Keep on keeping on